I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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