I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
