so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
