i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
