You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize