Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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