so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He did a backflip because drugs
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