chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
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