sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
