Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
