Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
