That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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