What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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