new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Bring me that man meat
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
