idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
