did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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