i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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