put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
