im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
