I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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