I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
