I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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