Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
