bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
