dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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