i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
