Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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