went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize