youre lurking in front of me
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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