He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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