yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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