So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
