When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Is Oprah even human
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
