I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
