Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
