Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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