You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
