for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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