Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
