we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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