How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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