I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
