if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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