Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize