my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
