Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
