Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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