ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
