I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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