If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize