The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
