its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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