Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
