We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
