Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'm really busy with my period
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