I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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