I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
