im about as happy as oj after his trial
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
