my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize