and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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