last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
