I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
