I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
