Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
