How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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