We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
