That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
