absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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