I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
