Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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