I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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